I as a human have struggled with conflicts that most people face. Balancing who I am with who I want to be can be quite trying at times. Lately, I've opted to stay away from society in general and just let my thoughts settle. That in itself can be a problem though. Seems the more I think the harder everything is to pull together. Distractions seem to be key in the world today, and I'm starting to see the prevelance in my life as well. Psycologically, I find it easier to get through the day if I'm online or next to a tv, instead of silent with my thoughts. I've challenged myself before to get away from these distractions, but can never find myself able to. Whether it be my job or simply the fact that such devices are so readily availible, I find it hard to get away from the world. If only there was a way to trap oneself in a bubble and float away, leaving only thoughts and pure stillness in the wake. This is why I value sleep so much. It seems to be the only way to get out now. Only then can a person find complete stillness and tranquility.
I digress. Being able to put these thoughts down helps me put it all in perspective I guess. Whether I'm a bit too wordy or not doesn't concern me though, you don't have to read this. That's what's so great about the internet, and also its downfall. Coming into or from a society such as ours where texting and facebooking is the main way of talking is going to be our ultimate downfall. It is great, yes, but also used way too much. Ill be the first to say innovation is great, but not when its degrading human interaction. We need to learn how to talk, not to text.
Being the youngest in a decent sized family has shown me the effects of the various choices a person makes. Whether it be getting in an abusive relationship, going through drug and alcohol addiction, or simply trying to get far away, I have seen how it can eat someone alive and control who they are. Saying that my siblings have helped make me the individual I am is quite the understatement, and without them there is no doubt I would have made some of the same mistakes people my age seemed to have faced. I truly wish everyone could learn what I have, but without going through what I have gone through. Maybe the world wouldn't be so full of hate then, or maybe it would be just a little bit better to live in.
Moving away from others let me take a minute to tell that I am as far from perfect as the person next to me. Not only does my struggle between my private and social life eat away at me sometimes, but it can tear my soul to bits. Luckily, or maybe even unluckily, I have the distractions I talked of before. And sleep, which seems to help the most out of anything, for its my getaway from all life's distractions and pains. Throughout the years I've struggled with not only identity crisis, but also my neeed for acceptance from others. This year though, it seems the identity struggle has just gotten worse, although I no longer feel that need for acceptance. As for finding who I am, I don't want to have to label myself in any way, although society tells me that I have to. I don't understand this, and just wish everyone could just, be. Be who they want and be forever branded, because things change on a whim. I feel as if I decide to ever label myself in any way, be it for clothes, how I act, or who I am, I will forever be targeted as that label. I want to be able to do what I feel, not what I feel I must.
So for now, I guess that sums up how I've been feeling. I'm sick of society right now, and I need to escape. Just seems like that escape will never happen. For now though, all I can do is look toward the future, and hope all will go ok.
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